Shrink Holiday Stress—Tips From A Maryland anxiety Therapist
Keep your own light bright with these holiday stress tips from a Maryland therapist.
The holidays can be a challenging time for a lot of people. Changes in routines, social events, gifts, traveling or hosting, and family gatherings can bring both excitement and stress. As Maryland anxiety counselor, I can tell the holidays are around the corner when I hear multiple people in a week discussing worries about managing extended family dynamics, holiday stress, childcare arrangements for school break, and all the rest. Make the most of the season with these tips for reducing holiday stress.
1. Pick Your Big "YES!" and Schedule It
Before things get really hectic, think about one thing that is really important to you during the holidays and brings you enjoyment. Then put that in your holiday plans first before making all the other plans. There is so much going on that it can be easy to get swept away with just trying to keep up with everyone's plans and needs and we find that we didn't get to do the one thing that brings us joy. This can be especially true for a lot of mothers, who typically carry the mental load of the family. Whether it's driving around to see the light displays, enjoying a seasonal treat or a certain movie that you love to watch, make it a priority and put it on the calendar. There are no "leftovers" when it comes to time during the holiday season so don't just wait to fill it in when you have extra time.
2. Check Expectations
Part of what can be so stressful about the holidays is feeling like you need to live up to certain expectations about the season--that you should feel a certain way or have certain kinds of experiences or that you are responsible for the enjoyment of others. Use critical thinking. Where did these ideas come from--your family, advertisers, social media? Try to sift out what's true to you and what you can let go of that comes from others. Most of us feel best when our outer behaviors line up with our inner values. If we act from our own values, instead of outside expectations, we can reduce unnecessary stress and find a more authentic experience for ourselves. We are multifaceted beings so it’s understandable that we may have a real mix of feelings and experiences around the holidays. Use some self-compassion to make room for accepting the full range of experiences that make us human.
3. Strategic Structure
The clocks don’t have to be the boss of you, but a little strategic structure can help.
Another thing can be so stressful about the holiday season is that a lot of our routines get tossed out the window temporarily due to all the special events and changes in schedules. While this novelty can be fun, it can also throw us off because our routines can help keep up steady and functioning well. You can still leave room for novelty and holiday fun, but think about the routines and structures that are most supportive of your physical and mental well-being and make sure to adapt them for your needs in the season. Special holiday events may mean that you don't make it to your usual exercise class, but can you make it a point to get some physical activity in another way that week? Festive food and drinks may be a delicious treat but leave you feeling a bit off in your body. Can you commit to steady nourishment at other times of the day or week--like making sure breakfast is giving you the fuel you need?
If you have kids around, multiple the chaos that comes from the lack of a schedule by about a billion. Several mental health professionals (including me!) weigh in on that weird week between Christmas and New Year’s in this article from She Knows.
4. Prioritize Sleep
Sleep is key for mental and physical health. Make it a priority during stressful times.
There are no substitutes for the basics of self-care: hydration, nutrition, connection with others, movement and sleep. When sleep suffers, everything suffers--our mood, our functioning, the way our bodies work. Our sleep can be thrown off by a multitude of things during the holiday season--staying away from home, staying up later than usual for special events, nighttime events, changes in what we eat and drink in the evenings. With all of these challenges, this is an important time for cleaning up our sleep hygiene as much as possible. Have a wind down routine before bed that keeps your eyes away from the blue light of screens and signals to your brain that it's time to wind down. Watch your alcohol use in the evenings since that can negatively impact restful sleep throughout the night. Bring things from home that help you sleep better when you have to be away. Protect your sleep time as much as possible on a regular basis so you have a bit of a buffer for the times when it's inevitably going to be thrown off (Christmas morning if you have little kids, New Year's, the weekend of a big holiday bash).
Sleep is one kind of rest (a very important one!) but don’t forget about other kinds of rest during this time too. Check out the posts about the 7 kinds of rest for everything from getting social rest, to incorporating creative rest and more.
5. everything is optional
It can be easy to forget this during the holidays, but truly, everything is optional. You are allowed to opt out, scale back, arrive late, leave early, or say no altogether. Just because something is traditional, expected, or important to someone else does not automatically mean it has to be important to you this year.
For many people, holiday stress comes from feeling trapped by obligations rather than making conscious choices. Try gently reminding yourself that you have agency. You get to decide what you participate in and how. That decision can change year to year and even day to day depending on your capacity. Giving yourself permission to choose can be incredibly regulating for your nervous system.
This does not mean choices are always easy or free from consequences. You may still decide to attend a gathering that feels complicated, but doing so from a place of choice rather than pressure can make it feel more manageable. You might also decide that protecting your energy this year matters more than keeping the peace or meeting expectations. Both are valid.
If guilt shows up, notice it with curiosity rather than judgment. Guilt often signals old rules about being a good family member, partner, or parent. You can acknowledge those feelings without letting them run the show. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is often what allows you to show up more authentically in the moments you do choose to engage.
When in doubt, come back to this simple question. Does this support my well-being right now? Let that answer guide you as much as possible during the season.
6. Plan for transitions and recovery time
One of the most overlooked contributors to holiday stress is the lack of transition time. We often jump from one thing straight into the next with very little space to recalibrate. A workday ends and you rush into a family gathering. A social event wraps up and you immediately shift into caretaking mode at home. Even enjoyable events can be draining when there is no buffer before or after.
Transitions matter because your nervous system needs time to shift gears. Without that pause, stress can quietly stack up. You may notice yourself feeling more irritable, emotionally flat, or exhausted without fully understanding why. This is not a personal failure. It is often a signal that your system has not had enough time to reset.
As much as possible, try to build in small pockets of recovery time around holiday activities. This does not have to be elaborate or time consuming. It might look like sitting quietly in your car for a few minutes before walking into a gathering, doing some gentle breathing. It could be a short walk after hosting, even if the house is not perfectly cleaned up yet. It might be a commitment to having one low demand day after a busy stretch instead of stacking plans back to back.
If travel is part of your holidays, transitions become even more important. Being in a different environment, sleeping in a different bed, and being around more people than usual all take energy. You may need more rest than you think, even if the trip itself is positive. Giving yourself permission to recover can help prevent the crash that often comes once the holidays are over.
This can also be a helpful lens when thinking about emotional transitions. Family gatherings can stir up old roles and dynamics quickly. Taking a few minutes afterward to check in with yourself can make a difference. Ask yourself what you are feeling and what you need before jumping into the next task or conversation.
The goal is not to create a perfectly balanced schedule. It is to recognize that your capacity is not endless. Planning for transitions and recovery time is a way of working with your nervous system instead of against it. During a season that asks a lot of us, those small pauses can be surprisingly protective.
This Too Shall Pass
The holiday season is temporary. While it can be stressful, there are also delights to be savored during this time of year. Lean in to what is available and take extra good care of yourself to enjoy it the best you can. Find more help with handling holiday stress here. And if you are already looking, or fretting, ahead into the New Year, here are some tips for starting your year off with more calm and clarity.
get support from a maryland anxiety counselor
Ready to find some relief from anxiety? I offer specialized anxiety therapy appointments in-person, located in College Park, MD. Online anxiety therapy appointments are available anywhere in Maryland. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation and take the first step toward a clearer, more peaceful mind.
Other services I offer include hypnotherapy, mindfulness-based therapy, life coaching, and support for LGBTQIA+ clients. Additional information is available on my home page.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR, AN ANXIETY THERAPIST:
Beth Charbonneau, LCSW-C, is a Maryland therapist, specializing in anxiety therapy and treatment. With over 20 years of experience, she brings a holistic approach to calming both the mind and the body, and helping her clients feel empowered to find more joy in their lives. Learn more about her counseling practice here.
