Why Do We Struggle to Do Better—Even When We Know Better?

Therapists. We’re people too! Habit struggles and all.

Confessions from a Maryland Therapist Who Still Scrolls Too Much and Skips the Gym

I know better.

I mean, I really know better. As a Maryland therapist, I spend my days helping people untangle self-defeating behaviors, shift into healthier routines, and rewrite the narratives that keep them stuck. And yet, if you peeked into my world on a random Monday night, you might catch me curled up on the couch with my phone… scrolling… still scrolling… now an hour later… still scrolling.

And here’s the kicker: it doesn’t even feel good. In fact, it usually leaves me feeling anxious, disconnected, and low-key disappointed in myself. Just like skipping the gym—for the third week in a row—even though I always feel more energized and mentally clear when I go.

So why is it so hard to actually do the things we know are good for us?

Knowing Isn’t always Doing

This is definitely not the gym.

There’s this myth floating around that once we have insight, change should come easily. That if we can name the problem, we should be able to fix it. But the truth? Behavior change is hard. Even for therapists. Even when the logic is sound. Even when the evidence is overwhelming.

I often tell my clients: “Your brain is wired to keep you safe, not necessarily to help you grow or to be happy.” Safety, to the brain, often looks like the familiar—hello doom-scrolling and skipping workouts. Change, even positive change, can feel threatening at a nervous system level.

Tiny habits, big shifts

One of the most helpful frameworks I’ve found—for myself and my clients—is from BJ Fogg’s book Tiny Habits. Fogg emphasizes starting small. Really small. Like floss-one-tooth small. Because motivation is fleeting, but consistency builds identity. When I say it builds identity, I mean thinking “I’m a person who flosses”, when I find that I am consistent in doing it regularly.

When I’m trying to get back into a movement routine, I don’t set a goal to “go to the gym five days a week.” I commit to putting on my sneakers. That’s it. Sneakers on. If I end up walking around the block or lifting some weights after, that’s great. But even if I don’t, I’ve still honored the habit. I would still like to get to the gym because it’s the easiest way for me to get my heart rate up in a way that doesn’t bother my aging knees and such, but I also feel great that I’ve been walking more lately because the weather has been so nice. Here in Maryland, we are in the seasonal sweet spot of full bloom spring, without the humidity and heat that summer will inevitably bring. So, I’ve been enjoying a few not-too-long walks a day, listening to an audiobook that I’m deeply into at this point.

Behavior change starts to stick when it feels safe, doable, and even… kind of fun.

Self compassion > Self Criticism

Let me be clear: shame doesn’t work. If it did, I’d be the most zen, hydrated, gym-going human on earth by now.

Beating ourselves up for falling into old patterns usually just keeps us stuck. What does help is curiosity and compassion. Instead of spiraling into “Ugh, I’m the worst, why can’t I just go to the gym,” I try to pause and say, “Oh hey, something’s up. What do I need right now? What’s getting in the way?” For me, I need some solitude. The gym is the opposite of that. But my solo walks are appealing so I try to make them really frequent and consistent right now.

This is a big part of the work I do with my clients—learning how to notice without judgment. Because when we offer ourselves the same kindness we’d extend to a friend, we create space for actual change.

get a buddy, get unstuck

It’s often better with a buddy.

There’s also something powerful about not doing it alone.

One of my most consistent self-care seasons happened not because I magically summoned more motivation—but because a friend agreed to text each other everyday and ask what we did for movement and self-care.

Accountability doesn’t have to be rigid or intense. It can look like sending a “Did you put on your sneakers today?” text. Or making a deal to go doomscroll-free after 9pm. Or even setting up regular therapy sessions to stay connected to your growth goals.

As a Maryland therapist, I get to be that compassionate accountability partner for a lot of people. We unpack the barriers. We celebrate the wins. We build habits from a place of alignment, not punishment.

It’s not about perfection. It’s About progress

So yeah. I still doomscroll. I don’t get to the gym very often. But I also keep practicing. I keep trying. I keep offering myself a soft place to land when I fall short of my ideals, and celebrate the wins and steps along the path.

And that’s what I want for you, too.

You don’t have to be perfect to move forward. You just have to be willing to begin again.

Working with a Maryland Therapist Can Help You Move From Stuck to Supported

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re failing at things you should be able to do, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. Together, we can look at the deeper patterns behind those behaviors, build new habits that actually work for you, and offer a whole lot of kindness along the way.

I offer a free 15-minute consultation to help you figure out whether working together feels like the right fit. You can contact me here to schedule your call.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Let’s do this, together.

FAQs

1. What can I expect when working with a Maryland therapist?

Expect a compassionate, collaborative space where we explore your goals and barriers without judgment.

2. Do I need to have a specific problem to see a therapist?

Not at all. Many people come to therapy simply wanting to feel better, create new habits, or explore what’s next.

3. Is virtual therapy available for Maryland residents?

Yes! I offer secure and convenient online therapy for clients throughout the state of Maryland.

4. What if I know what I should do but can’t make myself do it?

That’s incredibly common. Together, we’ll explore the “why” behind your patterns and build small, supportive changes.

5. How do I stop doom-scrolling and start better habits?

We’ll start small, using tools like the Tiny Habits method and strategies tailored to your real life.

6. Can therapy help with motivation?

Absolutely. Therapy can help uncover what’s draining your motivation and support you in reconnecting with your values.

7. What makes working with a Maryland therapist different than using self-help books or apps?

Personalized support, real-time feedback, and someone in your corner who knows the terrain can make a huge difference.

8. How often should I meet with my therapist?

We’ll figure that out together based on your goals, needs, and what’s realistic for your life but typically weekly sessions are most helpful for getting some momentum going towards making real progress towards your goals.

9. How do I get started?

Start with a free 15-minute call to see if we’re a good match. Contact me here to set one up.