Dear Moms: A Love Letter From a Maryland Therapist

Moms, this spot is for you today.

Dear Moms,

Mother’s Day just passed by again recently. As a Maryland therapist, I notice that it’s a hot time for all kinds of things to be surfacing in therapy, whether it’s about having a mother, being a mother, not being a mother and all of the rest.

It can be a challenging day for so many, even for people in circumstances that “don’t seem difficult”. Our expectations around mothers and motherhood are so complex, and often contradictory, that we can’t help but frequently have a complicated relationship with this holiday. Last year, I went on a whole rant about Mother’s Day (you can revisit it by clicking here). This year, just a love letter to moms.

To the moms in the trenches

There’s always a lot going on in the early years.

Hello, Moms of Little Ones (and Big Ones That Need Lots of Extra Care)!

You are in the thick of it. I see you out there! I saw you on the walking trails this weekend, keeping an eye on those kiddos as they weaved their scooters down the trail and back, stopping to ask you to retie their shoe or give them a drink of water or hold the cool looking rock they picked up and definitely need to keep forever. I saw you trying to enjoy a snack or drink out at a restaurant, cleaning up spills, refereeing sibling squabbles, negotiating trades of bites of food that arrive at the table.

I see you in my office, exhausted after another week of interrupted sleep and childcare snafus and having to be ON 24/7/365. I see you come back from vacation just as tired (remember, when kids are quite little, it’s really just “trips” more than “vacation” since you still have to do all the parenting things, just in a different location). I see you trying to love your little ones as best as you can, sometimes more than you were loved yourself when you were young. I see you trying to keep all the plates spinning—parenting, work (paid or unpaid), relationships and your own health and wellbeing (which often comes last, sadly). Most of the time, it won’t always be like this. Your little ones will grow and be able to do more for themselves, leaving you a bit more space to breathe and take care of yourself. But for now, it’s a push. Demands on your time and energy outstrip supply every week of the year. I won’t tell you to cherish every minute because that’s crazy. I encourage you to be so incredibly kind to yourself. Remember that this is an incredibly intense period of demands on your time and energy on a daily basis. Remember that YOU count in your life too.

To the moms of tweens and teens

Oh, mamas.

Take some deep breaths. Take some deep breaths when that kid of yours makes you understand how adolescents got shipped off for apprenticeships in ye olde days. Take some deep breaths when they are out with their friends and are late getting home and you are pacing while imaging all the terrible things that could have befallen them. Breathe deep when they say things that PUSH YOUR BUTTONS SO BAD, after all you’ve done for them. Inhale…exhale, when you find out that they broke your rules, got in trouble, did something incredibly dumb, or made the worst choice possible.

Little kids are demanding in their need for constant supervision and attention. Bigger kids are demanding because they want none of that but still need you anyways—and will complain about it all. And navigating parenting in the world today is impossible and terrifying. I am old enough to have grown up in a time with no such thing as the internet and cell phones and all the ways in which every move and mistake can be captured, shared and saved forever. By the time all that came around, I was well into adulthood and already pretty boring, and I am grateful for that everyday.

Hang tough, mamas. There are no perfect guidelines about how to raise your particular tween or teen in today’s culture. You wonder if you are doing it right, doing enough, doing too much. You worry if your kids will be ok today, ok this weekend when they go out with friends, ok this school year, ok when they go off in a car without an adult for the first time. Just when you get a bit of space from their demands, you miss how much they showed their affection for you when they were little. Deep breaths, mamas. And take that minute that you aren’t reading them a story anymore and do something nice for yourself, even just to breathe and wish yourself well.

To the moms in the empty nest

Hey there, moms. I’m joining y’all in the coming months. But I’ve been watching you all for a while.

It’s funny, isn’t it, how things look different at a distance? Now that your kids have left home, you miss the dumbest things about them sometimes. Now that they aren’t there everyday, sometimes the past looks different too. You wonder if you did alright in parenting them. You wish you could have done some things differently. Now that they don’t need you very much, you really hope they still want to know you and have you know them.

Now that kids have flown the nest, you might be looking at your life, your home, your relationships with fresh eyes. Perhaps wondering, “What the heck happened?!?!?!?” over the last 20 years or so. As a Maryland therapist, I’ve been lucky enough to watch a number of you come into your own during this chapter of life. I love seeing you make empowered choices to embrace change, sometimes reviving beloved parts of yourself that got put on the back burner for a long time, and other times striking out on entirely new, bold adventures in life. Being a mother doesn’t disappear, but it seems to get integrated into the big picture of who you are—we are—in a different way at this stage. I hope your kids remembered to call or text or visit for Mother’s Day. Your mothering still matters.

To the moms who have lost children

The motherhood story goes on.

My Dear Moms,

This time of year is often really rough, isn’t it? The grief and loss are always there but it can be really tough to have to navigate this whole holiday that gets a lot of public airtime because of the commercialization of it all. My heart goes out to you.

Your motherhood journey has never ended, even if your child is no longer here, and it can be so very hard to carry that relationship yourself. No matter how long you had your child with you, you’ve always been their mother and always will be.

I see how many of you honor your child’s light and life, how they live on in you. I have seen you get up and keep going when it felt absolutely impossible to do so for another minute. I see you share the love in your heart with yourself and with others. You are celebrated too. Your motherhood is valuable and beautiful.

TO All

I see you too, Solo Moms, Bonus Moms, Moms-To-Be, Moms With Estranged Children, and so many more. There’s an endless list of people to think about around Mother’s Day, and in all of our roles as children ourselves, as parents, as caregivers, as humans. This holiday may be complicated for you for any number of reasons due to the care you may have or have not received in your life. Many people who would love to be a mother don’t get the chance. We can have mixed feelings about all of the ways in which our lives intersect with the ideas of mothering and being mothered.

It’s never too late to give yourself the nurturing you need and want in life. You can be the competent, caring adult figure in your own life. No matter how old you are, this is something you still deserve to have. Sending my best to each and every one of you.

Find more support with a maryland therapist

No matter where you are in your life’s journey, sometimes some extra support can be helpful. If you’d like to explore any of this more, I see folks in-person for therapy in College Park, MD and provide online therapy in Maryland.

I offer a free 15-minute consultation to help you figure out whether working together feels like the right fit. You can contact me here to schedule your call.

FAQs

1. What can I expect when working with a Maryland therapist?

Expect a compassionate, collaborative space where we explore your goals and barriers without judgment.

2. Do I need to have a specific problem to see a therapist?

Not at all. Many people come to therapy simply wanting to feel better, create new habits, or explore what’s next.

3. Is virtual therapy available for Maryland residents?

Yes! I offer secure and convenient online therapy for clients throughout the state of Maryland.

4. What makes working with a Maryland therapist different than using self-help books or apps?

Personalized support, real-time feedback, and someone in your corner who knows the terrain can make a huge difference.

5. How often should I meet with my therapist?

We’ll figure that out together based on your goals, needs, and what’s realistic for your life but typically weekly sessions are most helpful for getting some momentum going towards making real progress towards your goals.

6. How do I get started?

Start with a free 15-minute call to see if we’re a good match. Contact me here to set one up.